TEA TOWELS!

The new tea towel designs I put up back in February are now on sale, I've not got a huge number of them as I sold quite a few at my April conventions so act quickly if you really like them! Second runs of these things are few and far between.

Sadly, I think this will be the last Charlotte sees of the sole copy of Energy Crow.

The original Ellen is back. This probably isn't going to end well.

Steak science is complicated, so one really knows how those things magically push head bumps back into your skull and turn black eyes back to standard skin colour.

Enter THE PRIEST! (And exit, he doesn't appear again.)

How could you destroy this sweet face? HOW?

Fly tipping is, of course, prohibited.

"Smoking? You gotta be joking!" says Clive the cigarette clown.

Max chuckles return tomorrow.

NEW ITEMS AT TOPATOCO

I have three new items for sale at Topatoco and I think you will like them.

Sweet Land Of Wizardry t-shirt

Good To Be The King t-shirt

Bunny Surfboard Bag

Bonus sized big comic for the end of part 2!

I have three new things on sale at http://topatoco.com/sgr/ - even if you don't want to buy them, I hope they make you laugh.

Granpa Joe is a fountain of wisdom. He'll sort this situation out, soup to nuts.

All hail hail!

Sasha's gettin' emo, just one step away from screamo as you may recall.

I'll be at Comica at the Bishopsgate Institute in London from 11am on Saturday, details here!

Granpa Joe! You remember him, right?

It's a good day for pepper spray, but a dark day for the Sea Father.

IMMENSE!

Ellen can swim the legs off those other gals. She ain't even tired. She's an aqua machine.

I'll have a few prints, books and other bits for sale but I'll mostly be sketching so please come down, grab an etching and say hello!

Time to embrace sport, Ellen. Find your ping pong paddle. Grab a lacrosse stick. Let's SPORT.

I'm sure you need no reminding about Energy Crow and Torstuss, introduced in Murder She Writes!

That's a nice "bear cape", Cecile.

The return of RAW LOVE.

Mildred survives her cloakroom run un-Sasha'd

My Bough has been a mainstay since the very first Bad Machinery strips. We know so little about him. Perhaps we wouldn't want to know what goes on in his life.

The windmilling of powerful aquatic arms is a clear and present danger, nationwide: WATCH OUT!

You can't give a baby BOOZE.

I'm very strongly against street yogurt, but I have seen it happening too often to think that I am doing anything other than swimming against the tide.

No one is 100% bad in Bad Machinery, thereby rendering the only meaningful part of its name redundant. (I am joking, its name is wew meaningful)

Let's get out of this misbegotten cine-plex. See you on Monday.

A pretty bad time for Mildred. This was not a great date, as dates go. Not a great date at all.

Mmm-mm, time for a delicious NIGHT DOG!

Princess Miffin, Space Guys, and King Beaver. Heroes all.

Lord alone knows what else is in a woman's war chest.

There's something a little schlubby about this sea denizen. SEA you on Monday haw haw!

Sonny, you haven't even done up your shoelaces!

Survival instincts are kicking in!

Moths return to Bad Machinery and danger is the watchword.

Welcome to a very special Bad Machinery, about literacy. If you're illiterate, congratulations for getting this far. You're doing great!

I think, of all the people in Bad Machinery, Sonny is the man for this job.

Oh no, here comes trouble.

Kids are so rotten to each other, but it's important to remember that they aren't adults. It's all forgotten over a lunchtime.

Pure fantasy. Advice this sound is seldom handed out on a silver platter.

Colm is back, he'll take care of matters.

OMINOUS! Monday's RSS update will be delayed, as I will be on the road all day.

What is a doosra? And what is silly mid-on? I have been watching cricket matches for 20 years and I still don't really know. The nice thing about cricket is that these points of order can pass under the radar forever without spoiling your enjoyment of our summer game.

the Selkie seems to have been adopted. That poor old broad doesn't know her A. from her E. any more, but she sure can PLAIT!

Forgive me for cutting and running, but I have to drive to Wales.

End of part 1! Things are just getting cooking! See you on Monday. If you've jumped into this story mid-way, you can go back to the start here.

Readers in the USA and further afield who want to get Murder She Writes can now get it at Topatoco (under "Magical Mini Adventures"), alonside many of my other items. You can also get it in combo packs with either my other mini-adventures or everything I still have in print.

If you're looking to sell a friend on my work, Murder She Writes is probably the one to get, requiring no outside reading whatsoever.

If you're in the UK or you want the book personalised, you can get it directly from me too.

Writ large: the price of STICKYBEAKIN'! Don't be a STICKYBEAK!

American & overseas readers: Murder She Writes is now available to buy in dollars at Topatoco, on this page. Combo packs are available to choose from the dropdown on the same page.

Oh Mildred, will things ever go right for you? It's hard to say. If anyone knows, I suppose I do. But I will not BLAB.

Sometimes the best advice is also the worst advice.

Newsletter news from Master J. Finch. I don't think that photo of Jessica is contemporary.

You remember Jack's sister, Jessica, right? Their relationship is so tender.

As you may notice, he still bought the energy drink.

It's all about chemistry. Mildred will be fine. After a protracted period of probably not being all that fine.

This is a water comic.
4.

A touching end to the week. Brought to you by the National Banana Council. See you on monday!

I think Mildred may be weakening. It also strikes me that she doesn't have much resistance to her impulses.

Things are looking up for the Selkie. She's no longer running around in the nuddy, and she's found some night cookies. Come back tomorrow to see if she perhaps finds a pair of mismatched shoes or a cardboard box to hide in. (Neither of those things happen.)

In the meantime, why not gaze upon three ludicrous birds I drew on Sunday. Bottomley, Binkly and... Birdus?

NEW BOOK - MURDER SHE WRITES

There's a new book in stock in my shop, Murder She Writes. It's all the pages from my Christmas story, plus several new ones, in full colour. I've also added it to a new combo pack with my other two stand-alone books. If you're looking to sell a friend on my work, Murder She Writes is probably the one to get, requiring no outside reading whatsoever.

Customers outside the UK are welcome to buy it now, or you can wait for it to hit the Topatoco store at the end of the month if you prefer to pay in dollars.

MYSTERIOUS

Mildred you are well a scamp.

You've seen this youth before too! Here's Mildred's spell in detention.

King Beaver is the best dam 'em up since Beaver Islands IV... and that was 20 years ago! Also pictured and tragically obscured by speech bubbles... Fringe Pinball and "Meme Killa".

Sardines... sardines... what's for dinner, mum? SARDINES. The old lady has mistaken the poor foundling for her daughter, but if it means a plate of sardines, I guess everyone wins.

A small comic, but packed with incident I think. See you on Monday!

WHERE IS IT? Where is what?

COMIC EXTRA! Please take a moment to (hopefully) enjoy my contribution to Hourly Comic Day! It was great fun to work on but pretty exhausting too.

Pinch and a punch, first of the month. Which are you, DUBSTEP HERO or GROCER'S BOY?

Someone asked me yesterday, is Tackleford now close to the sea? It has ALWAYS been close to the sea! Here's a classic tale that was almost 100% nautical!

Splish splash she was takin' a bath! Or swimming. How clean you're able to get in the sea is doubtless down to how dirty you were before you got in it.

We end the week on a downer, but things pick up on Monday. Poor old Sonny. He's ready for a change.

Jack has longstanding guitar dreams but I don't think they've ever come true.

Only Linton would be hubristic enough to challenge Shauna to a race, she is the queen of the pool and duchess of chlorine.

Lottie is a good egg but don't give her two pounds and the freedom to make a hasty decision.

Meet "Sandra". Not a character we're very likely to see again, so enjoy today's comic.

"Gor" is low-rent smut like Zoo or Nuts magazines. It's not so much pornographic as depressing.

Just splash, yeah? Just splash.

Ah yes, the secret origin of Energy Crow. What's tomorrow's comic about? I can't remember.

I'll leave you to ponder the mysteries of pea wet and Morton's toe, both of which are 100% real. Here ends our introduction to Granpa Joe but I suspect he will return.

I had to do an awful lot of reading about national service in order to bring you gruel this thin. Have a great weekend! Take Friday off.

The mysteries of Italian rarebit are answered here.

Ah, LUMBAGO. No one under 70 knows what it is.

Skellington (Scary Go Round book 3) is now available in my eBook store! AND THAT IS NOT ALL.

Did you get an eBook reader for Christmas? A ReadMAX, a WH Smiths Super-reader or a Quintus 10? Or another, better known brand? Are you TIRED of reading sad, trad ole books? Then why not invest in SCARY GO ROUND EBOOKS? You can get my out-of-print collections and standalone books full of MIRTH and AMAZEMENT, and until 12PM GMT on Thursday, you can get 15% off them with the code "EPRO".

Granpa Joe cuts a reassuring figure, doesn't he? Or does he?

Bad Machinery returns after two months away! I drew this week's comics before Christmas though, so I suppose we'll see next week whether rest is restorative or "creatively debilitating". Today's comic introduces Sonny's mum, who has an intense sense of style, and you will also note his sister Cecile, who played an important part in an earlier yarn.