Avon calling to the upstairs dorm room
Shelley’s worried about the noises of doom
Avon calling on the lad in 3A
Come out of your dorm room, Shelley would say
Avon calling haunted skinny boy
Phony Freddiemania’s history’s destroyed
Avon calling, with a ginger ninja
It’s either this or studying law

The stars are clearing, the breath’s coming back
Endurance affected, don’t smoke another pack
Better start running, while Oasis still sings
‘Cause Avon is coming, and this… this can’t be happening

Avon calling, but not on the phone
Forget it, Shelley, you can go it alone
Avon calling, a not-yet-zombie lass
Though Andy left, ’cause he’s just an ass
Avon calling and I don’t want to pout
But while we were talking I heard you acting out
Avon calling, we’ll see who replies
To the red-headed girl with green goo-goo eyes

The stars are clearing, the breath’s coming back
Better start running, not smoke another pack
A nineties era, while Oasis still sings
‘Cause Avon is coming, and this… this can’t be happening

Avon calling, Andy was there too
Except then he left, just wanted to grope Shelley’s boob
Avon calling at the top of the stairs
After the climb, Shelley just shows that she cares

Avon calling