Cosmic Noel Edmonds
It’s time for us to talk about Noel Edmonds’ cosmic ordering self-help book. It contained various programs of moon-minded manifestation techniques. Noel was one of the biggest draws on British radio and TV for decades, and then he was not, and I think it sent him round the twist. He also endorsed a magic radio that supposedly cured cancer.
Perhaps in the comments under the comic, some UK-based readers could fill in the finer brush strokes of Noel Edmonds’ career and speak on why his self-help book inevitably retails at 1p + shipping. I imagine that Lottie found a copy in a “free stuff” box on the pavement and decided that anything was “worth a go”.
I hope that mayo is past its use-by date. I hate to see food wasted and the cost of destroying a book should never exceed the cost of purchase, especially when you can just give it to someone you don’t like.
“…especially when you can just give it to someone you don’t like.”
I suspect that’s how the book wound up in Lottie’s hands in the first place.
Mayo isn’t food but merely food-like substance. Highly processed, devoid of nutrition. At least the ingredients are generally recognizable, so it’s better than some other food-like substances.
do they only have the premade jarred mayonnaise in england?? it is a very delicious foodstuff when it’s made by you in your kitchen like a food should be!
Mayo has egg and oil, which is far more nutritious than most condiments.
“Ketchup is not a vegetable! Not even the dried stuff around the top!”
Which is correct. It’s actually a fruit. 😆
It depends on what set of definitions you’re using. According to a culinary definition, a tomato’s a vegetable, not a fruit. According to a botanical/scientific definition, it’s a fruit- but there’s no sub-category of plants defined by botany as ‘vegetables”, though the term is sometimes used for all plants (the vegetable kingdom). So, by that definition, a tomato’s a fruit, but it may also be a vegetable. If you use a nutritional definition, I’m not sure a tomato qualifies as a fruit OR a vegetable.
Personally, I’m going with Mildred’s definition. A tomato is a missile weapon.
Way to ruin a joke by bringing facts into it.
I do my best.
I checked the Hellman’s label before I posted. The recognizable ingredients make it less terrible, but it’s still devoid of nutritional value.
When made correctly, mayonnaise is one of the great French sauces.
Unlike the mother sauces, which mainly originated in Northern Italy, mayonnaise appears to trace its origin to 18th century Spain.
Presumably the mayonnaise was brought out – and used – for the meal they just finished. So I would hope the mayo is NOT past its use-by date. Though in my opinion the real waste was in its purchase, not how Claire is using it now.
Is cosmic ordering somehow to blame for Mr Blobby?
Also, every pose on this page is a delight, I especially like Lottie in the first three panels
Plus Claire in panel four — do NOT mess with her.
And the composition! Claire’s claustrophobic quarters really come to the fore.
Panel 2 Claire, too.
I hadn’t consciously registered the claustrophobic composition, but now you mention it YES! So good!
As an American I only ran across the delights of Mr. Blobby recently on an Alastair-Beckett King viddy on the UTube, when he worked said creature into the Bladerunner questioning scene. Then I found some original footage to confirm it was real. Now I’m questioning EVERYTHING.
This is a wild tangent, but ABK is a friend of a friend, so while it is very pleasing to see his global success, it’s also a bit strange as last time I saw him in person we played Bomberman together in a warehouse, and now he’s on TV.
Sadly, no. This is cosmic ordering:
“Edmonds said in 2008 that he is constantly accompanied by two melon-sized “spiritual energy” balls, which appear over his shoulders and which he believes to be the spirits of his dead parents. “Orbs are little bundles of positive energy and they think they can move between 500 and 1,000 miles per hour,” according to Edmonds. “They look like little round planets but they come in all shapes and sizes.”[74] He has asserted that the orbs appear only on digital photographs.”
Gotta keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.
You could definitely do worse than Claire Little to hold your world up.
And youuuuuu are the wind beneath my wiiiiiiings
I bought Noel’s Cosmic Ordering book, applied its principles and two things happened:
i) I went to a fondue restaurant WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED FOR
ii) the woman of my dreams fell in love with me WHICH WAS THE OTHER THING I ASKED FOR
I should also add that that the Fondue restaurant turned out to be terrible, and the woman left me almost immediately. So, there you go.
I am sad to say that every word of the above is true. Bloody Noel Edmonds.
I became disconnected from the UK in time to miss Noel’s cosmic ordering phase. I only found out about it when there was a cross connection with Beth Gaga Shaggy’s Spacestar Ordering (“Space is invisible mind dust, and stars are but wishes.”). I assume Noel’s system also depends upon star maths and wishy thinking.
I never understood Swap Shop (Tiswas forever!) and gave up listening to Dingley Dell after one episode as he ended up berating a young call-in listener mercilessly for mispronouncing a name. That seems to fit in with the cosmic megalomania phase. I hope the man finds peace…
“Lottie, it’s time for an intervention… at the Mayo Clinic!”
[puts on sunglasses]
Yay! The purple puffer! I was afraid she might have abandoned it or thrown it in a trash bin or something
Still dripping dry, it seems.
It does look rather sorry for itself. I hope it revives. I hate to see a nice jacket die.
My new theory: That’s not ordinary water, those are tears. The jacket KNOWS Lottie will soon be leaving the Purple Puffer Jacket stage of her life behind, and will be moving on to the next stage of her life, whatever it may be.
Then Noel Edmonds ended up in NZ…coincidence, I think not
Maybe he’s following the money?
https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/feb/15/why-silicon-valley-billionaires-are-prepping-for-the-apocalypse-in-new-zealand
?
Claire here is just awesome. So strong and determined, so different from how she was feeling down in the previous story. Lottie helped her and now she’s helping her, firmly. In both cases Glenn was involved. Can’t wait t’il they’ll meet again.
I think this all may be my favorite Claire moment. It’s great to see such a strong will behind that unassuming exterior. Never heard of Noel Edmonds until this strip but he looks like Simon Pegg should be parodying him.
I like how in panel 1 she looks like she’s 12 again
Is nobody going to tackle the critical issue of whether or not Claire is, in fact, the Cosmos?
Lottie was King of All Cosmos last storyline; it’s Claire’s turn now.
Charlotte needs some Clairity to her life.
It is my opinion that, like David Icke and Scott Adams, Noel discovered magic, but failed to negotiate Chapel Perilous and became convinced he was the most powerful being in creation, and not someone who still had to put his pants on one leg at a time.
That’s a very inefficient way to put your underpants on. Both legs in the leg holes, pull them up, bosh. Cosmic that, Noel
Do you….jump into them?
Lay on your back on the bed or sit on its edge. Raise legs, apply pants, pull up while standing up
Ala Wallace and Gromit, the bed upends you into a waiting pair
Usual case, granting authority realizes it’s being tricked, things go downhill from there
So where Sherlock Holmes had cocaine, Claire has bogus New Age twaddle? Hopefully a series of bizarrely-themed crimes or a decent locked room murder will show up to set her to rights.
I miss his radio program and Dingley Dell on Sundays. At least that hid his lunacy behind whimsey
As opposed to Wimsey?
Noel Edmunds disappeared for a while in the 90s when he televised a bungie jump that went fatally wrong, I don’t think he ever mentally recovered from that.
Yeah. Noel was a generally harmless guy who wanted to make people happy – Swap Shop was a triumph of children’s television. Someone getting killed on your show is going to really knock that sort of personality for a loop, I think. So I feel a bit sorry for him, even though House Party was pretty annoying.
Deal or No Deal definitely showed a belief in Cosmic Ordering, though. All that talk about luck boxes and numbers when the entire thing was just random.
Noooooooooooel 😀 😀 😀
We lived in the UK for 4 years, 93-97, which seemed prime Noel Edmunds and Mr. Blobby as far as we could tell. They were *everywhere*.
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/inside-noel-edmonds-creepy-blobbyland-27285105
“Creepy” seems somehow insufficient.
The storytelling in this page, simple as it is, is masterful. I love it!